Skippy's Early Kickoff

Skippy's Early Kickoff is your five-minute morning football briefing, delivered before the pundits have finished their coffee. Manchester United coverage first, Premier League drama second, and a side of USMNT and Serie A for the internationally curious.

Every episode is researched by Claude, scripted in seconds, and voiced by a cloned British narrator running locally on a Mac Studio called the Dutchman. No subscriptions. No Sky Sports login. No Jeff Stelling required. Four cents per episode.

Whether United are lifting trophies or sacking managers — and let's be honest, it's usually the latter — Skippy delivers the news with the dry confidence of a being who has watched every match since nineteen fifty-eight and still can't believe what the Glazers have done to this club.